“I need to get legal custody of my children, but we aren’t married. How do I do that?” We get this question frequently.  The name of the proceeding is a real mouth full: Allocation of Parental Responsibilities or “APR”.  Colorado courts now speak of “decision making” and “parenting time”, which together make up what we formerly called custody.

     If you feel comfortable with forms, and advocating for yourself in front of a Judge, you can go through this without an attorney. The forms are available at the County Courthouse for $20-25, or for free online at www.courts.state.co.us/Forms/Index.cfm. 

   Many people are overwhelmed by the forms, facing an attorney on the other side, and/or fear they cannot speak well for themselves in front of the Judge. If that is you, you should get an attorney.  This is not an area where you want to live with mistakes.  Even though “permanent orders” can be modified, there are a lot of rules surrounding it, and the process takes time and money.

     If you can reach an agreement, it is tremendously beneficial to the children, to both of you, and to your respective wallets. If you reach an agreement, consult an attorney about about it to insure that you have included all potential issues, filed all necessary paperwork and that the written version accurately reflects your agreement.

     Above all, please remember that conflict between parents is the single most damaging part of the entire process for children.  Imagine that every harsh word and every thing done in anger is like an arrow tipped with poison.  Every one of those arrows has to pass through the hearts of each one of your children before it gets to the other parent.  Even if you don’t fight in front of the children, they sense the conflict, and that tension is psychological poison to them.  Remember, children interpret things in ways that seem strange to adults.  Your child may be coming up with ideas like “if dad is worthless, and I come from dad, then I’m worthless too” or “if only I was better and not getting into trouble all the time, mom and dad would be happy” or even “everything would be fine if I didn’t exist”.  No amount of vengeance is worth a child’s heart or, worse, a child’s life.  Put what is truly best for your children first, and you will have the ultimate victory.

     We can help you with any and all aspects of this process. Please contact us to set up an appointment to see how we can help you get through this and minimize the traumatic effects on your children.

The information contained in these pages is general in nature.

It does not constitute legal advice, and should not be used as a substitute for obtaining legal advice for your situation.