Mediation

    Mediation is a confidential process to help people work through their concerns and find an agreement.  There are times when we just can't seem to agree between ourselves, but when a skilled third person comes into the conversation as a counselor/referee, we can work our way into an agreement.

    This process can be a lower-cost alternative to going to court.  It can also achieve far better outcomes, since you and the other party remain in control of the outcome.  You get to control what you will compromise and what you will not.  It might surprise you how easy it can be to come to a resolution.  This is because we often want the same things for different reasons.  Therefore, what you may want most may be something I don't mind giving up and vice versa.

    The classic example is two people fighting over a single orange.  There is only one and each wants it.  After discussion, we learn that one wants to grate the peel into a cake, while the other wants to eat the fruit.  We find that we can fully satisfy each person by letting the first person grate off the peel (which was only in the way to the second person) and then handing the fruit to the second person.  Each is better off and the orange is completely consumed without waste.

   The courts treat mediation as a form of settlement discussions.  Therefore, anything said in mediation can not be used in court.  This doesn't mean that just because you repeat something there it is now off limits, only that things said only there can not be used, nor can any offers you might make or refuse. This makes it possible for you to discuss the issues without risking your position in court, should you end up there anyway.

    However, it does require that all parties enter discussions in good faith and be prepared to compromise.  This process doesn't work for all disputes.

    If you are interested in mediation, you need to pick a mediator.  It is good to find someone who is certified and who has experience.  While anyone can be a go-between, training and skills make a mediator.  What is the difference?  A mediator can help you spot things you already agree on, help you get to the reasons behind what you want, and brainstorm creative solutions.

    Mediation can be done with or without attorneys present.  That is a decision that must be made on a case by case basis.  Often it is better to leave attorneys out of it, but not always.  Also, because you have control over the outcome, one party insisting on an attorney being present doesn't necessarily mean you have to have one present too.